Welcome to my first entry to what I shall warn you will probably be viewed as a very sad, and sometimes cynical view of my life. Despite that, I do try to find the upside to life and laugh when I can. It may seem at times I’m whining and bitchy, and I do apologize for that, but I’m writing this for me, not for anyone else. This is to be a place where I can unwind, write my thoughts, release my inner frustrations or what have you, and just be me.

I’ve been battling with several health issues for years. Some may seem like they are nothing to some people. To others, they may be relatable. For me, they are my daily hell. My prison that I deal with and live with, at times fight against just to be normal in society.

In July of 2012 I moved from IL to AZ with my husband. During that move my husband was assured that because he was transferring within the same company he was working in, that he (and I) would not lose any of our benefits (such as our health insurance). Well, they decided that they weren’t going to give us those benefits after we moved and settled in, and canceled our health insurance, dropped his pay rate, and treated him as if he were a new hire, thus costing him his seniority. Because of this insult, we were unable to purchase health insurance on our own and so have had to go without since then. We tried to fight to get our benefits back, but there was no leniency from the company.

I tried to find ways of getting state issued insurance for help and was denied. The only positive that came out of this, was that I was accepted for Disability. Even that had its problem, as I still have to wait two years for Medicare coverage.

I’ve been without any medications that I need, and medical treatments that I really need for almost a year now. I feel like I’m falling apart. The only options I have is to go to clinics that offer medical help on a sliding pay scale. Even that is rather difficult. Sure, I can be seen by the doctors, but I’ll never be able to afford any of the medications I need or blood transfusions I need even more. I feel like it’s a complete crap shoot.

I’m alive, though. I have my husband and my two dogs who are my life. Without them, I’d be nothing by now. I would have no purpose to get up out of bed. I love them so much. They make me laugh and smile. They complete me.