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I had a little white terrier wake me up this morning at 4AM. Apparently she didn’t get the memo that I wanted to sleep. So, after she did her “I really have to go potty” dance on my stomach, she let out this guttural howl in my face, just in case I wasn’t aware that her claws were digging into my skin and she was desperate to get me up.

I did the slinky move down the stairs and then let the dogs out. As I waited for them I made an attempt to open a Gatorade. Couldn’t open it for the life of me. In my failed attempt I hung my head in shame and then just rested my forehead on the lid in despair. My mind powers didn’t open it either. Defeated, I went back upstairs.

Once we were back in bed and I was just nodding back to sleep, the scenario happened all over again. It was now 6AM. I gave up on sleep. Actually, I gave up on sleep years ago. Still, I’d like to encounter it at least once more in my life before I die.

I made my way down the stairs (again), let the dogs outside, and eyed my Xbox like a fat kid eye-fucks cake. We bonded over GOW: Judgement, again. I have no idea how I even did through the first hour. I was playing with one eye open and without coffee. Didn’t get coffee till 9:30AM when my husband got home. By then I was mildly awake and using two eyes to see.

He was off work tonight, so we went to a late lunch. I know it’s not a huge deal, but I wanted to go to Cracker Barrel. I like looking at the stuff in their shop. I bought some candles for the kitchen. They smell so good. We then went to Walmart to get a fan.

I texted my best friend, Amanda. I wish she lived here. I really don’t know very many people out here. Though, even if I did, I’m kind of a social reject. It’s hard to be out in public. I have anxiety issues. I just have issues, period. But, Amanda gets me. She lives on the other coast of the US. It’s not fair.

She got the scarf I made for her mom. I can’t wait till her mom gets it. I’m so excited about that. Then my friend, Lauren (from back home in IL), got the scarf I made her in the mail today. Totally made her day. It really made me feel good that I am making people feel good. Sometimes I feel like I don’t do anything or I’m not good enough because I’m always so sick or debilitated to enjoy life with others.

As for now, I’m tired. I’m in search of a butcher out here who will slice ribeye meat for me thinly so I can make cheese steak stuffed peppers. Went to one local place, and they wont do it. So, the search continues. It kind of sucks when you live out in the middle of nowhere. I shall not give up, though!

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