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So, when was your last reality check?

I have mine checked every day. It’s quite refreshing. Having it checked right now.

I spent last weekend in the ER. My stomach is in revolt status of my body. Along with whatever the hell the problem is with my intestines. Got to love when your body starts revolting against other parts of your body for no reason what-so-ever.

Even better when you’re told that they can’t find the source of the problem, and send you on your merry way, doubled over in pain despite the medicine they injected into your IV.

Through the week, things haven’t become any better. I’m supposed to go see a GI Specialist. But, without insurance, there’s no possibility of that happening. It’s bad enough my bill from the ER is going to be over $700 (not including whatever the ER doctor charges me).

I love bills I can’t pay. Being in utter misery. Being told once more, by another doctor, that they can’t figure out what is wrong with me. Being sent on my way with no hope. No real help. Just more questions with no answers.

It’s my whole year of 2007 being brought back to surface, just in another form. This time it isn’t my  blood being the issue that went un-diagnosed. Or it could be. Who the fuck knows. I’m just back to square one. Tossed aside. Left to decipher my own fate without any real options.

How the hell do others without insurance make it through when they have no money, no options, and nowhere to turn?

I waited over two weeks with this pain in my abdomen before I gave in. At first, I thought my gallbladder was the issue. But the ER nurse (that I absolutely adored), thought it was my pancreas. Both of them, along with my kidneys are all functioning at acceptable levels. A CT scan (with dye) couldn’t even show any problems. Suggesting I’m either nuts, or I have some kind of virus.

Fantastic! When shall I schedule my death? That was the first doctor I’ve been able to see in over a years time, and I’m no better off than before seeing him. This is why I hate this body. The healthcare system. My life. There is never a clear-cut answer. Just more guessing. More suggestions, but no real answers. I go on for days, weeks, months, even years with no real answers. Just blind guesses as to what is wrong.

The only saving grace right now? I have no fucking money or insurance. So, I can go on in the same manner of pain and discomfort as I would have been in, regardless of the medications I may have been put on. Fun.

What’s next? What else can be possibly put on my plate?