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You know, it’s not easy being an insomniac. It’s also not easy being an insomniac who is disabled. I don’t get around well, and I keep my cell phone on, next to the bed in case I have an emergency. Granted, I don’t expect people to know or care, but that’s the reason why it is there. I’ve had to use it more than people can realize or fathom. 

Anyway, I’m lucky if I get a couple hours of sleep at night. Last night was incredibly hard to sleep. Before the evening came to an end, I was texting this “woman” about something I had advertised for sale. Due to her inexperience and lack of knowledge of what I was selling, I referred her to different places to do more research so she could learn. She got indignant, accusing me of thinking she was a moron (which, admittedly, I did think it just a little bit), and that I was judging her. All I said was, “I appreciate your interest, but I encourage you to do a little more research. If you have questions, please let me know. I’ll be happy to help you further.”

Apparently that was being judgmental and made it necessary for her to tell me, “You don’t know me!” 

You’re right. I don’t know you. But, I certainly didn’t say anything that warranted this behavior.

Anyway, I ended the conversation (and others) by thanking her for contacting me, and I typed in a name — “Catelyn”. 

Well, apparently calling her “Catelyn” was the most horrendous thing to do on the face of the planet. At 7AM she blew up my cell phone. Mind you, no self-respecting humanoid would flip their shit over something so trivial as the wrong name, nor try to tear a person’s soul out at 7AM for such a minor infraction. Well, this bitch tried.

I responded with, “Hey, it’s 7AM. Have some courtesy and NOT text people at such an early hour.”

Apparently, that’s the wrong thing to say to an emotionally unbalanced psychopath. She started calling me everything she could think of from loser, to psycho, to bitch, and everything in between.

Now, until that point, I was going to let things go. But the bitch picked the wrong chick to wake up and then start insulting. So, knowing how most women loathe the word “cunt”, I used it to get her attention. It’s my favorite word. It will cut through a woman like a razor and lets out some serious anger. But, I don’t use it unless I need to.

I needed to.

I informed her that if she didn’t cease the psycho texting and harassment, I was going to report her to the police.

The idiot then proceeds to call me by some ex-boyfriend’s name, Roy.

Now, I know the difference between a penis and a vagina, and when I was born, I didn’t have a penis. And I don’t have one, now. My husband (who isn’t Roy) has a penis, but for all intent and purposes, I am not a man.

This now raving lunatic has begun on this intense rant at “Roy” / me about what scum I was to her, and how I have no soul, and she made the biggest mistake of her life when she was with “Roy”. 

Apparently there was some deep rooted angst, and probably some bad sex, and she didn’t get paid or something. Who knows. But, despite that I informed her I wasn’t Roy, her hate intensified, and she grew even more insane.

So, I addressed the “no soul” by telling her I was the Mistress of Darkness, so of course I have no soul. I only eat them.

Then I addressed her loose lips (both vajay and mouth) and how she really shouldn’t be sharing her and Roy’s romantic relations with a stranger. I told her I was sorry that she made some bad life choices with this Roy, and that she should move on, but that just got me told I was a dumbass.

So, I informed her that she was severely disturbed and needed to seek help. Only she can help herself. I hope she does get help, because randomly freaking out on someone you don’t know, and insisting they’re some ex-lover of yours, is a bit nuts.

So… to the dumbass who thought it was a good idea to wake me up at 7AM and go on some psycho anger fueled rage because you think the person on the other end is your ex-lover Roy…..

I’m sorry you’re this upset.  I’m sorry you can’t get over Roy. I’m sorry whatever anti-depressants you’re on isn’t working. I’m sorry you thought you could take your aggression out on me and I responded in the manner in which I did. I still think you’re a cunt, but I’m sorry it was taken to that level.

I hope you find happiness. I hope you find Roy and thank him for me, because I love sloppy seconds when it comes to mental instability and women.

And I hope you find inner peace. Or God. Or Buddha.  Or Odin. Seriously, just pick one. It doesn’t matter who you pick. Just pick one.

Hopefully I never have to be woken by your rage again. If so, I apologize for the police I’ll be sending your way.