I’m trying. Trying hard to not fall apart. Trying hard to not fall. Just….trying.

I’m emotionally drained. Nothing of significance caused the way I feel. It’s just a conglomeration of life’s “fuck you’s” that are currently a roadblock.

I feel like a total loser. 

I am also trying to help others feel better. If I can impact just one life, I will feel better. I love to make others laugh, feel beautiful, and more positive.

I wish I could do all of that for myself. 

I’m on day #2 with an ever growing fibromyalgia flare-up. Clothing feels like they were made of sharp knives. My head and brain feel like they are spinning; which, in turn, amplifies the daily migraines. Ten years. Ten fucking long years of daily, painful, chronic migraines. All the tests and images didn’t do anything to help me. 

What’s wrong with me?

It’s been super hot here. Last week, temperatures were up to 120°. It is about 110° today. It isn’t totally awful, but I don’t like it because I sweat like a mother fucker. It is gross and embarrassing.

Saturday afternoon, my husband and I, went out to brunch with my (ex) friend’s husband. Matt is such a sweetheart. We all talked about everything under the sun. 

Before he arrived, we talked about his separation. I addressed my behaviour towards him and apologized as much as possible. 

My husband and I really enjoyed hanging out with Matt. I still wish Amanda would have been there. I miss her. She’s my beautiful pageant queen. Always and forever, even if we never speak again.