I don’t really know where to start. I have been a total wreck. From pain to sleepless nights, I have suffered silently. This is my only dumping ground for my feelings. I find it hard for me to just tell my family and friends how I really feel.

I’m going through another series of injections into my spine. Last week started the testing phase of my left side. Next week, test the right. Then, within a few weeks, the actual injections begin. Nothing is more fun than getting test needles jammed into you, and your relief lasts only an hour. 

Best fucking hour I’ve had without pain in the left side of my back!

Last night I went with my husband to his hockey game. By the time he was done, I was in the full swing of a fibro flare up. It hurts to walk, sit, lay down, and so much more. I feel like I am a total adulting failure. I feel worse because my husband has to pick up where I can’t finish. I am useless.

I’m being put on a new medication for my depression. If they would just give me Valium, we wouldn’t have to go through a million different things that don’t work. Fuck, give me Xanax. That shit works. No. Let’s just put me through hell.

I’m just tired of the hoops that I have to jump through. Everything happens at such a slow fucking pace. I’ve been trying to find a neurologist, but I swear, a good one is rarer than the fucking Unicorns. One asshole thought it was a good idea to ram a fucking needle into the back of my head, and put lidocaine in there. My migraines got worse. He was a dumb mother fucker.

So, I have trouble with trusting most neurologists because they all tend to be dumb fucks who don’t know how to help stop a 10 year streak of daily migraines. I would prefer they just admit that they don’t know what to do instead of turning me into some kind of experiment.

Sorry. I’m just frustrated. There’s times when I just want to give up. I’m exhausted.